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Fr.and David:
Thank you both! I suppose the sense of being in but not of the world is a part of this sense of being in someone else's church and a convert's blessing. Why should church really differ from any other place where we are not in the "in crowd"?

Rather than judge the in crowd, I've always felt inadequate. I'm not sure this is wrong either but simply awkward. I wonder instead that where I am probably at risk is where I lose this sense.

So I find the Akathist of Thanksgiving a real joy to listen to and helpful here. Especially the line: "O Lord, how good it is to be Thy guest". Perhaps if we can remember this, we can be a good guest. Did not even Christ behave this way? Not as a ruler, but as a guest?

The Orthodox Church is the closest thing I've found to belonging anywhere. But I know this is a foolish delusion as it is not a social club as much as a reliquary, and that I am regularly reminded that I don't belong half as much as I thought I did.

So despite my better judgment I'll continue to experience a sense of rejection when I read some blogs or go to some gatherings; and then there are those others I will idolize. I'm not sure which is the worse sin.

Forgive me, the lot of you, for making idols and enemies out of brothers.

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