My poor students

Pity my students, in my Homiletics II class.

Each class we start out with 3 or 4 student sermons. Then an oral critique, joined in by everyone.

Then, after a break to build up tension, we enter into a short period of "shotgun questions."

These are questions drawn blindly from an assortment of slips of paper, on which is printed a question (or a declarative statement, in which is nested an implicit question). Each seminarian is given 5 minutes to think and to answer (hence, "shotgun").

There is a maximum of 17.2 points that can be awarded.

This is a nod to my ancient days when I was competing in extemporaneous speaking in the old Pittsburgh Catholic Forensics League.

I do this because I am sure that catechesis and "theologizing" (to borrow a sodden and jargonish modern participle, beloved of ATS serminaries) should be done on the fly and on the feet (thus mixing metaphors).

Here are some of the "shotgun questions" with which I am arbitrarily (and patriarchally, mind you) inflicting upon my humble students.

I have heard each question in the most inescapable way ... on bus rides to bowling tournaments, pilgrimages ... at the pirohi table ... between chainsaw cuttings of brush out back ... on hikes at church camp.

These questions have all really happened.

Here goes:

1. Father, why do we say “Theotokos” instead of “Mother of God”?
2. Why doesn’t the Altar Boy ring the bells at the Altar anymore during the Canon of the Mass?
3. I thought we were a Russian (or Syrian) church. Why are there so many Greek words, like “Axios”?
4. If God is the Father, why do we worship Jesus the Son?
5. The Commandments tell us not to make any graven image. Why do we kiss the icons?
6. If we are supposed to worship only God, then why do we say at the end of Vespers, “Most Holy Theotokos save us”?
7. I think all clergy, even bishops, should be allowed to marry. If we had married clergy, we wouldn’t have ever had the sex abuse problem.
8. Why are our crosses different? Why do we make the sign of the cross different from our Roman Catholic friends?
9. My friends go to a church with exciting music that changes every Sunday. Why do we do the same thing over and over again in Liturgy?
10. Why can’t I worship God the way I want, no matter where I am? I can worship God just as well as home as in the Church.
11. Isn’t it judgmental to say that homosexuals are wrong?
12. What do you think about evolution?
13. Why can’t we all have Christmas on the same day?
14. I’d rather go to a Church where they have more exciting worship on Sunday morning.
15. Father, I don’t like the priest at my church -- isn’t there anything we can do to get rid of him?
16. How far I am allowed to “go” with my boyfriend/girlfriend?
17. My parents don’t like some people at church and they don’t want to go to church much. What should I do?
18. I think that all religions lead to God, so we should just get along.
19. How can the Trinity be Three Persons, but we say we worship One God?
20. I thought Jesus Christ was our only Saviour: why do we sing “Most holy Theotokos save us?” at the end of Vespers?
21. I lose concentration in my prayers, and sometimes forget where I am. What should I do? Start over?
22. My protestant friends tell me that all our customs like icons and incense and liturgy are man-made rules and regulations.
23. Is it okay to be rich?
24. Is it okay to give money to the poor? Because all the ones who ask me for money are irresponsible and lazy.
25. I know so-and-so who went to communion didn’t go to confession.
26. (in a grocery parking lot) I haven’t been to your church in twenty years, but I’m gonna get buried at your cemetery because I paid my dues.
27. Our church is getting smaller. Is God blessing the charismatics and Baptists? Their churches are so large.

Comments

[Darlene]

Ok, Father, I'll play along...so to speak.

1. I don't think there's much difference, although I prefer Theotokos.
2. Were bells ever rung during the Divine Liturgy?
3. Seriously?
4. These are Christians asking this question?
5. This is a reasonable question. What was your answer?
6. Yeah, I'm still a bit uncomfortable with "Most Holy Theotokos save us." I don't know if that will ever change.
7. I think bishops should be allowed to marry as well, but for a different reason than your questioner.
8. I'd like to know the answer to that one too!
9. Been there - done that. Exciting only goes so far. The liturgy is rich with spiritual depth if one closely pays attention.
10. Sometimes I've just wanted to be like a free spirit. You know, worshipping God out in nature among the trees and birds, strumming on my guitar, unhampered by religious ritual. Then I come to my senses.
11. Now that sounds like a teenager asking that question.
12. Now begins the dissertation.
13. Why does the OCA have Christmas on the same day as Western Christians? Have they sold out? :-)
14. Ah, there's that reference to exciting worship again. Been there - done that, and believe me, though you may not think so, that becomes dull and boring after awhile.
15. You could slip poison in his food during coffee hour, but then someone's bound to get arrested.
16. You gotta be kiddin'. Of course, I believe you're not.
17. Pray for them. That seems like a good start.
18. Ah, where to start on this one. I think it's time for Christianity 101.
19. This is actually a common question and thus all the analogies to describing the Trinity have arisen.
20. Same as my reply for #6.
21. Good question. At least this person is praying.
22. Ah, so you wanna us to be like Protestants?
23. Could you be more specific? How rich, exactly?
24. Just buy them a meal, and if they need clothing take them to Good Will or the Salvation Army. They've got great deals there.
25. Yeah, lots of Orthodox Christians do that.
26. Well, I hope you said, "I'm sure not gonna be the one to bury you!" or "You'll get the funeral service for unbelievers."
27. It certainly seems that way, doesn't it? God must be on the side of all those mega-churches.

Father, I'd sure like to hear how you responded. Now that would be an interesting post!

[Fr. Peter]

It is great for you to do this for your students. The occasion for these 'shotgun' sermons is almost a daily thing. If they do not yet, they will appreciate it in time.
Fantastic preparation!

[Fr. Jonathan]

However you spell the second term after "Carpatho-" in our tradition depends largely upon which narrative you choose. However, after all is said and done, the differences that divide Carpathian traditions are minuscule to the naive perspective of converts and non-ethnics. So, Joe, take your pick. All I can say is that by the time of his repose, Vladyka preferred "Rusin" -- which is neither of the terms on the website.

And David, yes. Sometimes, it's a scream.

[David]

Dare I ask, my friend, if any of these might be connected to a relative of mine? lol....

[Joe]

Why does it say "Learn Carpatho-Rusyn Plainchant" on our diocesan website when we are the Carpatho-Russian diocese?

[FrGregACCA]

Yup. Their time to learn how to handle these questions, and many, many others like them, is now, in seminary.